To live is Christ and to die is gain

For some reason, Philippians 1:21 has been on my mind; "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

I understand what the apostle Paul is saying.  He was a champion for the gospel, and he had every right to say it. Because of his passion and brazen rhetoric, it led to beatings, jail time, mocking crowds, constant threats…and souls coming to Christ. Certainly, I do what I can, but my efforts pale in comparison to Paul. Yeh, I get it, but do I?  Let me explain.

I was dating this girl in college in 1968, and I accused her of being too dependent on me.  We exchanged notes (no emails back then) and she suggested that we end the relationship. That hit me hard, and I realized that my fear wasn’t that she was too dependent, but that I was afraid she was getting to know me too well.  What if she found out who I really was, how insecure I was? The problem was mine, not hers. We met one night outside her dorm, and I told her that I was sorry and that I loved her. We hugged in the shadow of the dorm in the dark as tears filled my eyes.  I had to face my own insecurities to have a more meaningful relationship. We’ve been married over 54 years.

In 2020, our church shut down for several months so as not to spread Covid. It was the right decision, considering the lethal nature of the original strain. When we reopened, I will never forget how emotional it was for me to worship with my Christian community.  I raised my hands in the air and cried tears of joy.  (I am not the kind of person to show that much emotion.)  I didn’t realize how important worship was to me until I was without. The point is, I can name only a few times in my life when I was overwhelmed by something that was so precious to me that I cried. Funerals would be the exception, of course.

You’re probably wondering how in the world he is going to tie these two stories together.  Me too, but here goes.  Successful marriages require passion and a deep respect and love for each other. Darian and I learned to be honest and open and not to have secrets. Our love for each other now is more meaningful than when we were first married.  Our joy for each other is more complete.
 
 Living for Christ takes passion too. I’m still learning to bring all of myself to the throne of God.  I have a long way to go. Why don’t I treat every worship service with the same passion as I did after Covid? What I’m trying to say is “for me to live is Christ” could be filled with as much passion as “for me to live is Darian”. I’m not an apostle Paul, but I do live for Christ.  Should I have tears of joy when I’m blessed by God, or deeper prayers for forgiveness when I’ve failed miserably, or weeping over a friend who is spiritually lost? Yes! At 77, I’m still working on it.  Maybe someday I’ll get there.